To Hack Artemis's Computer
by mountain ash
Summary: Myles and Beckett try to hack Artemis's computer. Artemis works behind the scenes, entertaining himself. Enjoy!


**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

Beckett Fowl but his index finger to his lips, indicating to his twin Myles to be quieter. The twins were on an important mission, and silence was absolutely necessary. If they failed to be silent, their older brother Artemis might catch them.

The twins were going to hack into Artemis Fowl the Second's laptop.

The plan was simple-Myles would do the actual hacking, while Beckett locked the door, pulled curtains over all the windows, and kept guard so as to alert Myles should anyone come towards to door.

Stepping slowly on the green carpet, the two children slipped into their elder brother's room, shutting the door behind them with a barely audible _click. _Curtains fell over the windows, and the lock on the inside of the door was shifted, barring unwanted visitors from entering.

Artemis Fowl the Second, meanwhile, sat in front of a different computer in the control room, smirking. His twins had forgotten to disable any cameras-Artemis had been watching them the entire time.

He chuckled quietly, and settled down in his chair to watch his brothers attempt to hack his computer. He also brought up a second tab on the computer screen-effectively connecting him to his computer. This would be entertaining.

Myles sat in front of his brother's computer, transfixed. He hadn't known Artemis's screen saver was so _colorful _and _hypnotic_. All of those pretty colors swirling around and around and around. The toddler could feel himself getting dizzy. He should probably enter in the password and start the hack job, but those colors really were pretty. A thought drifted into his mind. The last time Artemis had used his computer, hadn't the screensaver been a picture by some famous artist-Michael Angelo, maybe? But the little boy forgot that as fast as he had remembered it. The colors were so darn pretty.

Artemis barely suppressed laughter as he watched Myles stare at the twirling colors-a picture he had found on Google Images about two minutes ago and made his screensaver.

But Myles would eventually get bored of the colors, and would get around to entering the password. So Artemis pulled up another tab on the screen.

Beckett, who was quickly growing bored of guard duty, wandered over to where Myles sat. He noticed that Myles had yet to get past the password entry stage.

"Myles? You are going slowly. You what if Butler of Arty or Mommy comes?" It was around then that Beckett noticed the blank look in Myles eyes. Panicking, he shook Myles as hard as he could.

"Snap out of it, Myles. Please?" Beckett scoured his mind for something to snap his brother out of his reverie.

"Myles is a simple-toon." Beckett declared.

The effect was instant. Myles snapped out of it, and, with a determined look in his eye, set about entering the password. That should be easy-_Aurum est Postestas_. Gold is Power. Their brother's motto.

Everything was back to plan. The twins breathed a sigh of relief.

Then, things went downhill again.

A message popped up on the screen asking them whether they liked chocolate ice cream or huckleberry ice dream more.

Now, both Beckett and Myles loved ice cream, but could never decide on a favorite flavor. In response to the message, the twins sat back and scratched their chins, deliberating over which flavor of ice cream was better, yet again halted in their quest to hack Artemis's laptop.

Artemis was laughing outright now. While the twins were fantastic hackers, they were easily distracted. The thought hadn't occurred to either twin to just put _**both **_in the space provided.

It had been very simple to make a question pop up right then- just a few clicks of the keys, and there you had it- a question to pop up right after the correct password was entered for the next ten minutes.

Back in Artemis's room, Beckett and Myles remained stumped. Which flavor of ice cream was better? Then, Beckett had a brain spark.

"Hey Myles! I got it! This must be part of Arty's security! One of them is the answer! We have a 50-50 chance at getting it right! So let's just guess!"

Myles thought for a minute. It made sense for Artemis to have baffling security on his computer, but wasn't their brother above ice cream? Wouldn't his security be more of the type that would, oh, scan your eye or something? Oh well, Beckett had already typed in _**chocolate **_and hit enter.

Apparently, Beckett was a good guesser, because the question went away and was replaced with the home screen.

Myles turned to Beckett.

"What do you want to do now? Open his files? Read his email? Look at the videos he may have saved on here?"

A frown spread across Beckett's face. The twins hadn't actually planned on what they would do _after_ they succeeded in gaining access to the computer. Oh well, the options Myles had come up with sounded good.

"Let's start with the email."

Unfortunately for them, another notice appeared on the screen.

_**Keys are sticky. May lead to trouble when typing. Activate StickyKeys? **_

"So the keys are sticky? Should we clean them and make them un-sticky?" Beckett inquired.

"Yes." Said Myles, and the two set about the room in search of wipes to clean the computer.

Artemis smiled at the screen in front of him. It was funny to misdirect his brothers with meaningless distractions. Very entertaining.

Butler had finished his rounds through the house and grounds, and now stood behind his charge, watching the screen as well.

"I know this is all very fun for you, Artemis, but aren't you planning on actually stopping them permanently any time soon? What if they come across something about the People? And what happened to all that high-tech stuff meant to keep people out-that stolen fairy technology-wouldn't it keep them out?"

Artemis laughed again.

"Butler, they will find the files on the fairies only to be confronted with gnommish. I deleted the translations of the Book I made from back when I captured Holly, so they can't translate it. And if they look like they might be about to stumble across something dangerous, I will stop them completely. As for the defenses, I stopped them temporarily for this little show. I want them to actually get somewhere in order to stop them continuously. So I simply made some changes- all things I can change back later. And besides- this way I get my computer cleaned for free."

After a full ten minutes of scrubbing anything that even resembled dist and grime off of the keyboard, the twins finally hit the red X in the corner of the StickyKeys notice.

Satisfied that the keys were now un-sticky, the twins opened up Artemis's email. Then closed it, and reopened it. Then hit refresh. Then looked for a translator.

All of Artemis's emails were in some symbol-based language that looked nothing like what the twins had seen before. It was written in a spiral, and was effectively making Beckett dizzy.

"Well, should we try any saved video conferences?" asked Myles, trying to look on the bright side of not being able to read the emails.

"Sure." Beckett replied, wanting to get away from the symbols that made him dizzy. He might fall out of his chair.

Myles navigated to the window labeled 'video conferences-saved' and clicked on it. It brought up a screen filled with files big and small.

But when Myles clicked on the first one, a notice came up, halting him, denying him access.

_**Due to an alarming new study showing that chocolate chip cookies may be bad for you, you may not gain access to this file.**_

Artemis laughed uncontrollably. He had just made up totally random blocking notices to all of his video files, sure to stop his brothers for a while, save one that he intended the twins to find. Upon seeing that first notice, the twins had done just as Artemis had anticipated- they had been shocked, and immediately Googled 'are chocolate chip cookies bad for you,' and were now staring at each other. It had never occurred to them that these delights may be unhealthy. They looked for all the world as if this bit of information had drastically changed their entire outlook on life.

Butler now stood outside the control room door, and so was there to greet Holly when she dropped by for a visit that had been planned for a while now.

Holly had looked through the glass and seen Artemis howling with laughter.

"Butler, I think I'm going insane. Is Artemis actually laughing?"

"Yes-Artemis has finally found something _amusing_ to do that is completely harmless, doesn't involve weapons, and yet still involves manipulating someone. It's a milestone for sure."

"Who's he manipulating?"

"The twins are attempting to hack his computer- Artemis took down all of his defenses except the Gnommish on all fairy-revealing bits. Artemis is now sitting back and watching them via security camera, halting them with messages asking them what their favorite flavor ice cream is, and changed his screen saver to these swirling colors that I think hypnotized Myles-things like that."

Holly shook her head, and entered the control room. If Artemis never-cracks-a-genuine-smile-always-proper Fowl was laughing, it must be funny.

Half an hour later, after going methodically through every file Artemis had saved, the twins came to the last file. This one, unlike the others, opened when they clicked on it.

Solemnly, they hit play.

It was a short video. Whoever Artemis had been talking to had not been looking at the camera, and so they couldn't see their face.

But they could hear the words.

When the one minute thirty-two second video finished, the twins closed the files window in a daze.

Their older brother, socially awkward and who seemed oblivious to the female gender _had a girlfriend_.

They didn't know her name, or anything about her, really. They would have to ask Artemis. But no! Then he would want to know how they knew! They would have to keep silent. But their curiosity was boiling over. Silently, they turned off the laptop.

Artemis finally stopped laughing. Now, the twins would boil in their own curiosity until they couldn't stand it any longer-then, he would be able to ask them why they were on his computer, and they would have no answer. A perfect way to ensure future episodes of this. If they were curious, they would hack his computer again, and he could have his fun again.

Artemis laughed along with Holly.

They had found a new thing to do together.


End file.
